Never Have a Bad Date Again
“Ugh! That guy was a creep!”
“All the good ones are taken.”
“Why can’t I meet a normal human being?!”
With all these thoughts (and undoubtedly more!) swirling through the ether of your brain, it’s no wonder you hate dating! Cue the ice-cream-and-Netflix pity party.
We’ve all been there. Feeling like we’re sinking in a quagmire of unsolicited dick pics and stagnant conversations with uninteresting, uninspiring or just plain ridiculous people. And we wonder, “what did I do in a past life to deserve this?” It’s enough to put one off dating forever.
FOREVER!
I’m done with this nonsense! If you need me, I’ll be living a monastic life in the mountains with only my vibrator for company. Also Netflix. Also ice cream.
Why do we put ourselves through this? Why open ourselves up to being hurt and disappointed again and again?
I know why.
Because, whatever type or variant of relationship you’re into, we all ultimately crave connection.
The question then becomes, how do we make the dating process easier on ourselves?
Simple. By redefining what a “good” date is. That’s right! With a little reframing of your mindset (and then practicing said mindset) you, too can come to this place of Dating Zen where you have zero bad dates!
Now look, I know that sounds absurdly simplistic and maybe a little “woo-woo.”
It’s a big ask when there’s a history of hurt and disappointment and when future prospects seem slim.
I get it.
I’ve been catfished. I’ve been stood up. I’ve been deleted and blocked. I’ve been threatened instead of respected. I’ve been chest-bumped instead of hugged. Hell, I was married to a guy who only married me because of FOMO! Trust me…I have every reason in the world to be cynical about relationships.
But I don’t want to be cynical. I want connection. Quality connection. If I only allow quality into my life, I need to understand and appreciate my own intrinsic value first. That’s what this is about. Who are you as a valuable human being, what value are you then projecting into the world and what value do you allow into your space?
Here are my self-standards for a successful date:
Be Prepared to Listen and Share
Basic step but some people place too much weight on the other person to “impress” them that they forget that they, too, should be a very active participant in theconversation. Come prepared!
Lower the Pressure
I tell myself “I’m meeting a new person today.” That’s it. I don’t add in that this might be the new love of my life and one day we’ll tell our grandkids about our first, glorious date. Just meeting another human being. I also very firmly believe that there are good people everywhere, so my outlook on meeting a new human being is generally optimistic.
Authenticity & Integrity
This includes being honest with yourself and the other person.
Boldly holding to your values and standards.
Not ignoring or trying to force a square-peg-round-hole issue.
In short, if I’ve showed up as my authentic self, ready to listen, share and meet a new person then it’s been a good date because I’ve been a good date. When I started taking full responsibility for my own happiness, not only did my attitude towards dating improve, but I found I was attracting more of the quality that I want in my life.
Get to it, friend, and share your self-standards for being a good date with me!
Listen to S. Stone's episode on Date Night China Episode 15: How To Build Your Dating CV
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